☺︎‬ (2023.11.14)

Good evening


I’m apologise for the personal matter but
Today is my birthday


Months, dates, days of the week.


Feeling emptily, simply living a lazy lifestyle each day, I had lost all sense of the dates that I completely forgotten about it until messages and letters arrived


But today probably has been the happiest birthday of my life.


Because of my current state right now,
I don’t know, maybe it’s too convenient but…
My feelings moved for the first time in a while.


That’s because,
The many “words” as presents from all of you have reached me.


The thing I’m bad at is
Being misunderstood by words.
Seeing words with thorns.


That is what I fear the most and bad at.


Even when I receive many kind words,
It still can’t bury it;
My mind and heart would be completely filled with just one word.


But today, those words
Have become a big big present.


I always, always stayed [inside] at home,
Feeling a sense of melancholy as I start the day
Battling against something unknown from the moment I wake up,


Even things I found fun before,
Now feels empty,
No matter what I do, each day feels like nothing.


Today, but only today.


For the first time in a long time, my feelings have returned a little.


It was that special.


Today, as I’m continue to look back at those various words
I immersed myself in the feeling that
This is happiness.


And not letting go of it.


Truly, truly, everyone,
Thank you very much.


Ever since I’m on break,
I have received many kind and warm words from all of you through your letters


But even so, “Ah, it’s kind”. “Ah, it’s warm”.
I truly hate my completely cold heart that concludes it with that. I really hate it.


Right now, my heart is immovable
Its frozen cold like the cold wind at midnight in the middle of winter,
Any words I received concluded right there.


But today, thanks to all of you, my heart moved a little.
And because of that, it was a day where I could do my best,
I’m sure that tomorrow, nourished by today’s experiences will be a strong tomorrow,
And it feels as if I’ll be able to welcome it.


Truly thank you.




This is part of the outfit I wore today.


I have already turned 25 y/o now.
When I joined, I was 16 y/o.


Before I knew it, I’ve been allowed to be active for 9 years.


The reason why I’m able to be active for 9 years is


After all, how I love the group,
I love the members,
I love the staffs,
Most of all, it’s because I love all of you.




I think.
I’ll do my best. Just a bit more.


I think even my 25 y/o self
will receive a lot of support
from all of you in many ways


For now, the day perhaps seems distant,
But I hope to face myself to overcome each day
So that I’ll be able to meet all of you.


Today marks as the starting point,
I believe that I’ll be able to change my feelings towards words and even my cold heart.


Thank you very much for giving me
So many kind words that made me happy.




When I’m dressed like a doll the other day.


That day,
It seems that I kinda wanted to try doing it.


Well then.



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