Bloom (2021.06.30)

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It’s been a while since the end of BACKS LIVE, and while feeling the afterglow of the passionate space, I’ve been writing little by little. It has become a writing that’s not easy to read, but I’ve been reflecting on the fact that I haven’t been able to really convey my feelings before the show, so I’ve been weaving words for a while now.

First of all, truly thank you very much to everyone who have watched BACKS LIVE stream the other day.
I am very happy that you entrusted a time in your life to us, and spend the same together with us!
I am reminded that not everything can be taken for granted. Truly, thank you so much.

Did we managed to break through the wall that is the “screen”?

Over the past year, we have done many live performances in ways that can only be done by streaming, but the wall of the screen is still very massive, and it has been difficult to get rid the feeling of frustration.

The live performance this time has audience. That meant that it was not a live performance for online streaming, and I knew that it would be difficult to deliver more than the previous live performances without a considerable amount of passion. However, at the final stage of rehearsal, everyday I am wrapped with the great love and passion that is created together with the members and all the staff, and that turned my feeling of “I will surely deliver it” and “As long as I has this feeling I’m sure I can convey it” into confidence.

And then, to everyone who came to the venue.

I am truly grateful for your desire to see us in person under the circumstances.

I’m sure that coming to the venue to watch the show is not something that can be 100% safe, it takes a lot of effort and I really don’t take for granted the fact that you came.

That’s why I always wanted to respond to the feelings of the people who came and deliver [the songs] with even greater power.

I really, really, wanted to see you.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve longed for this view, how many times I’ve wished I could see your faces in person, how many times I’ve wished you to be there during a live show. And when I looked up during “Nobody’s fault”, I was so deeply moved that it had finally come true.

I have been saying this at every opportunity since we suddenly stopped being unable to meet.

“Save all your power for the next time we meet”, “We’ll save all our power, too, so let’s let it all loose and make it the best space it can be.

Thank you so much for making those words and wishes come true with more power than I could have ever imagined. I was happy!

When I heard that we will be doing this show, I had a lot of thoughts in mind. I worried a lot about how it should be perceived, and how I should interpret it and connect it within myself. I’m not going to talk about much detail about my feelings, but as I said on the first day, there was no mistaking the fact that I had always wanted to say with pride that I’m a member of Sakurazaka46, and there was a time where I had the feeling that the “Sakurazaka46”s Takemoto Yui” within me felt as if it has become faint. I decided to take this live performance as an opportunity to confirm my existence, to bring back a clearer and thicker sense of my Sakurazaka self.

By taking on the challenge that is a new rehearsal method we never had before, I faced everything from the beginning and head on; the song, each piece of choreography, the members, the group, and above all, myself.

I think that I quite give the impression of joking around of having fun, but of course it’s not like I never feel worried, like I never feel scared.
That is the same with all members, that’s why I think that I couldn’t stand strong without them.
When I didn’t know what to do, when I feel so anxious and helpless, when I fell down because I thought it’s already impossible, there were always members who reached out to me, pulled me up, persuaded me, and made me stand up again. I am truly grateful!

They supported me all the time without saying a word. That’s why I felt like I acted every day to try to be there for the members when they need it as much as I could.

In theory, you can do your best on your own.

But we supported each other and helped each other in moving forward.

It was a period where I was able to feel the magnitude of the members’ presence and how much they had saved me without me knowing or realizing it until now.

 

During the period of this live performance, I talked a lot with various staff, and this is something that I always felt every time, but I am once again reminded how these people who truly has nothing but love worked so much for us.
And every time I thought that I am creating a show together with them, I am moved to tears, and struggle to suppress my feelings, and I would act every day thinking to just give my best at the moment.

I think the biggest thing I got out of this concert was that for the first time I was able to “do it in the way that I want it to be”.

This was thanks to the guidance of the director, Takahiro-sensei, and the dancers. I am truly grateful.

Up until now, I have always been conscious of wanting to match it with others, to do well, or to look neat.

While telling my self, “You wanted to do it without making it up, You actually wanted to do it this way”, I was able to not dress up for myself or anyone else, to just be myself and try to deliver it the way I wanted it to be.

I was so happy to be able to feel that unique feeling of a live performance that makes me feel like crying.
Live performance is sure great. I love it more than anything.

It’s been truly really long time since I’ve been able to feel this way, or maybe it’s just a little bit of the old me coming back.

I have also found many new goals.

This is the start.

Lastly, our profession is one that cannot exist without you.

To those who support me,

Without your presence or words, I truly can’t do my best or do anything, so much so that I only move every day with the desire to repay you all.

I want to convey my thoughts and my sincere feelings; I do all my activities with this in mind, and your presence is the only thing that is always on my mind.

I’d like to convey a lot more

from now on.

Please accept them!

It’s been a while since I wrote such a long one.

Truly thank you for reading until the end.

I hereby declare that you should continue to watch me, who has been reborn on that day.

I am sincerely thankful that there will be a chance to see you again soon.

Take a good care of yourself! Well then ^^

Thank you as always!

Sakurazaka46’s Takemoto Yui

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