To Sugai-san (2022.08.23)

Hello
Thank you very much for opening this blog
I am Sakurazaka46’s Masumoto Kira.

Sugai Yuuka-san has announced her graduation.

Even though we have been together for two years and a half,
I don’t think that the helplessly clumsy me has been able to convey my feelings, so I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you.

My feeling of love is so much that it might be a surprise, and I feel scared to convey it to you,
but I don’t want to feel regret in our remaining time together.

I tell many members that I like them. It’s because I truly do like them.
I remember how when you see me conveying my love, you jokingly said, “So you are fine with anyone”.

After I joined
whenever someone asks me about the person I admire, I always answer with Sugai-san. That is something that will never change.

Each person has their own liking,
and for me, Sugai-san was not only someone that I love, but also someone I admire, my oshimen.
That’s why it’s embarrassing and difficult for me to honestly convey my love for you because it’s as if I’m confessing my love.

In the blog that I wrote right after I joined, I wrote:

“If there is a textbook for my life,
In the table of contents, there will surely be a profile of Sugai-san”.

I thought that I used an expression that is difficult to understand, but has it been conveyed?
That there’s so many that I want to learn from you, how I truly admire you.

And I always have a poster of Sugai-san in my room.
Ah, your acrylic stands are also lined in front of my TV 🫢
I really like you.

Do you remember how on the day of the SHOWROOM to announce our assignments, when we met for the first time, you told the new 2nd generation members how we are “saviors”?

Because of those words,
ever since I entered the group, I made the decision to be someone who can contribute something to the group,
and also made the determination to fight as one of the group’s member.

If it were not because of Sugai-san’s words, I won’t be who I am today.

Even after joining, you would kindly reach out to me when you notice that I’m standing alone.
I would be nervous, and our conversation would always need to be repeated twice.
I’m a fast talker, but my conversation speed is increased by 1.2x.
I would immediately distance myself and then regret it, something I repeatedly do.

I couldn’t be honest most of the time,
but each moment that I spent with Sugai-san is truly a joy and treasured, I remember them all.

When I hurt my back from dancing,
you did “Pain, pain, go away~” to me

I was really cured.
It was the moment where I started to wonder, “Sugai-san might be a real goddess”.
(It was after a Keyakake recording, you had fluffy curled hair and were wearing a light pink shirt).

On the day we shot “Naze Koi wo Shitekonakattan darou?”, I remember how I asked you to sign the flower petal used in the filming.
My teeth were clenched and I shuddered, as I thought for sure that you would think of me as a weird girl.

I was very happy to be paired with you for the interlude dance of “Omotta Yori mo Sabishikunai”

When we learn the choreography
It’s nostalgic how I felt so embarrassed to look at you at such a close distance, that I only looked at the name written on Sugai-san’s bib.

I also remember how when that part came for the MV filming,
you told me, “Let’s have fun!”.
I think I must’ve been awkward.
Sugai-san in a ponytail in front of me was just too cute.

I also remember how we played with the hand warmer during break time.
I don’t think there is any other hand warmer that warm.

During the tour,
you are always positioned next to me when we enter the stage, and it made me happy that we could be so close together while the Overture is playing.
To relieve my nervousness, you always hit my back on every performance, but that made my heart beats even faster.

4th Single
The period where we couldn’t do our activities together because of your stage play schedules. I never said it out loud, but actually, I really missed you.

The one MV that we can produce together was just “Boku no Dilemma”, and I experienced my first MV filming without Sugai-san in “Shakankyori”.
I was a bit sad because MV filming is one of the chances where we could spend a long time together.

But Sugai-san is working hard at a different place, so I must give it my best as well.
I told myself that we can make up for this time when we shoot for MV again someday, but…

This parting is truly so sudden

I wanted to see Sugai-san,
I wanted to meet Sugai-san,
so much that I bought my own ticket for your stage play and watched it.
Sugai-san felt like somewhere so far away. That’s how great it was.

I have thousands of other memories, but if I write them all, it will make this blog longer than the length of “Choju-jinbutsu-giga“, so I’ll keep the rest within my heart.

I love you so much, that there is truly not a thing that I forget.

If I had worked harder, maybe we could’ve created more work together than we do now,
maybe I could’ve danced somewhere closer, I feel so regretful when I think about those. I feel sorry for myself.

So that I don’t feel any regret whenever I must say goodbye,
I always keep in mind to:
stay close when I can,
to speak while looking at the eyes,
to touch each other as long as possible.

But it wasn’t the case for Sugai-san,
I have nothing but regrets.

That’s why
I wrote this blog to express my feeling while we still have time until our parting.

I hope that my feelings, which I have not been able to honestly convey for a long time, could reach you even just for a little.
And I want to spend the remaining time in such way so that I have no more regrets.